#17

I saw and I read.
Lies lying around everywhere. Tried to connect the dots. But somehow something's missing.

Honestly, the evidence was right in front of me.
Its up to me to believe it or not. After all, you can only believe what you wanna believe. And somehow I choose not to. I choose to let it slip away, I didn't even confronted you about it. I guess I'll never will..

I'm giving you a second chance.
Maybe you were trying to impress me.

--

Today marks the most depressing day of my life. I sat alone in class. Read my diary. Almost cried. What a year its been! Badluck all along. Since the beginning till now. Not that I'm not blessed, I mean.. Lets just be selfish for one moment and shine the spotlight on me please.

I don't really wanna talk about it but here it goes..

Being deferred was the most painful thing that's ever happened to me, yet. I do not wish to discuss about it in public. Nor would answer any question regarding my studies. I almost made it, almost. Almost made mama proud. Yep, almost. I guess making someone proud is not my thing? I hated the fact that my ex smirk while asking me hows school.. Ah my words are all jumbled. Excuse me, my brains are dysfunctional for now. Emotions running wild.

And reading my diary. I feel like I had it all before and lost it in a blink of an eye.

Sigh.

Well, nevertheless I'm trying to pull myself together everyday. Put a smile on my face so no one would ever know how I really feel. But today, I'm gonna let it all go... Because I can't bare it anymore.