#19 Stahp

Sometimes I wonder. Do people think before they post their Facebook status? What do they expect from posting it? Or do they re-read it? For example..

"Teringin nye makan Kenny Rogers!"

"Stress gile!"

"Mama masak sedap hari ni. Yums!"

"Ko buat boleh pulak! Time aku contact girl lain, ko tau lak marah. Huh."

"Laki aku ni tak reti nak balik rumah ke?!"

"Mummy tak sabar nak jumpa baby." - Pregnant mom

Ahhhh there's a lot more statuses that makes me cringe!

#iforgotwhatnumberitisnow

Its always been,

"I'm tired I need to sleep. Talk to you tomorrow."

"I had a bad day today, worst than yours."

Never been..

"Are you okay? What can I do to make you feel better?"

Never.
I'd do that to you, but you'd never do that to me. I am always the one who has to put my feelings aside. Always. That girl.

#17

I saw and I read.
Lies lying around everywhere. Tried to connect the dots. But somehow something's missing.

Honestly, the evidence was right in front of me.
Its up to me to believe it or not. After all, you can only believe what you wanna believe. And somehow I choose not to. I choose to let it slip away, I didn't even confronted you about it. I guess I'll never will..

I'm giving you a second chance.
Maybe you were trying to impress me.

--

Today marks the most depressing day of my life. I sat alone in class. Read my diary. Almost cried. What a year its been! Badluck all along. Since the beginning till now. Not that I'm not blessed, I mean.. Lets just be selfish for one moment and shine the spotlight on me please.

I don't really wanna talk about it but here it goes..

Being deferred was the most painful thing that's ever happened to me, yet. I do not wish to discuss about it in public. Nor would answer any question regarding my studies. I almost made it, almost. Almost made mama proud. Yep, almost. I guess making someone proud is not my thing? I hated the fact that my ex smirk while asking me hows school.. Ah my words are all jumbled. Excuse me, my brains are dysfunctional for now. Emotions running wild.

And reading my diary. I feel like I had it all before and lost it in a blink of an eye.

Sigh.

Well, nevertheless I'm trying to pull myself together everyday. Put a smile on my face so no one would ever know how I really feel. But today, I'm gonna let it all go... Because I can't bare it anymore.

#16

After walking more than 500 meters WITH heels, all I need was a thirst quencher. Spotted a cute little café by the roadside... Thought to myself, wow just nice a table left just for us to sit. Steps into the café, walks to the table which is placed right infront of the entrance. Suddenly I heard a voice..

"Excuse me... ____ Sorry."

Mind the missing words, because I can't seem to hear. So I answered..

"Table for 4 please."

To which I was kinda shock to hear her respond..

"Full! Full!!"

But still, because I was really fond of the café I pointed her empty table. She then said,

"Full!!!!"

While waving her hand as if she was shooing us. I was shocked. Beyond shock to be honest. I sense racism. These thing still exist in the year 2012.

Civilize country? Long long way to go!

Goodbye Amelie Café. You've just lost one potential customer. :)

x

#15 Au Revoir

I've waved goodbye to you, but you wouldn't let me go. You told me, you wanna patch things up again. You lead the way but somehow our feelings are not mutual. How I felt back then was different from what I feel right now..

The feeling is gone.
I no longer look forward.

So, I waved goodbye to you for the second time around.
And I hope this time, its the last time.

x

#14

Busy body everywhere. Just scattered everywhere. Asking you how you're doing, giving you silly advices, and then gone. No where to be seen or heard.

Question is.
Why do you have to pretend like you care when you don't even give a shit about it? Just my your own freaking little business. And I'll do the same.

Thanks.
x

#13 Comeback

I've been absent. I feel overly exposed. I feel naked at times. I have strangers coming up to me, act as if they know me. Truth is, they actually do. Based on my blog, tweets. And what I'm uncomfortable about is, I have no freaking idea who they are.

I wanna disappear.
From everything- social networks, phone, texts.

I wanna run away.
Far far away in a place where nobody knows me. Where I don't need to trust anyone.

And then I started to think..
I can never live without my loved ones.

x