#24

Oh my what a coincidence..
24th posts, on the 24th Dec. Which happens to be your birthday.

Happy birthday to you wherever you are. I might not have wished you personally but my thoughts are always with you.

:)

#22 My favourite number

In the car yesterday...

Mama: Awak dengan O dah tak ada apa apa ke?
Me: *awkward*
Mama: Awak dengan O dah putus ke?
Me: Ye.
Mama: *sad face* What happen? Dia ada perempuan lain ke kat sana?
Me: Tak lah.
Mama: Habis tu?
Me: Tah...
Mama: Dia minta putus ke?
Me: Mmmm.
Mama: Ha?
Me: Tak, kaklong yang minta.
Mama: Kenapa?
Me: Sebab dia nak study.
Mama: So dia la nak putus?
Me: Hmmm.
Mama: Selama ni masa ada kaklong macam la dia tak study.
Me: Hmmmm.
Mama: Habis mak dia tahu tak?
Me: Dia cakap tahu..
Mama: Kesian kaklong... *she looks like she's about to cry*
Me: Takpe..
Mama: Habis kaklong ada boyfriend ke sekarang?
Me: Takde..
Mama: Takpe, nanti ada la tu....

*awkward silence*

#21 Ticktock

A week has passed.
Twenty eight days to go.


x

#20 Summerlove

Summer..

You suddenly reached out for me. Made me head over heels with you all over again just when I thought I've forgotten about you. Texted me even though you were at work. Called me even though you're a million miles away. Stayed up all night just to watch me. Butterflies in my tummy everytime I get a text from you. My heart even skipped a beat when I heard your voice after 6 months. Oh the joy of being in love?

Just like the leaves in autumn color changed, you changed. You tried to make a distance. You said you weren't ready for a commitment, and you were trying to fix things up but you realize nothing can be fixed.

Its almost winter now. As things are getting a bit more chilly so are you. You said, you wanted me to stay away from your life. That you don't even love me anymore. Worst of all.. You called me a bitch. My mistake for pushing the provoking you. But..... Oh well.

Drove back home that night from the airport after the fight, somehow my GPS lead me the way to Mantin. The radio played your favorite song. It was raining, I could barely see the road.. How dramatic I thought to myself. But I'm glad I didn't even shed a tear. Not this time.

The reason why I'm writing all of this down, is to remind myself..
Never. Ever. Let anyone emotionally torture you.

The past is the past.
Don't ever repeat the same mistake. 

Yep, thats the story of my life.

x
ps: Your fav song.

#19 Stahp

Sometimes I wonder. Do people think before they post their Facebook status? What do they expect from posting it? Or do they re-read it? For example..

"Teringin nye makan Kenny Rogers!"

"Stress gile!"

"Mama masak sedap hari ni. Yums!"

"Ko buat boleh pulak! Time aku contact girl lain, ko tau lak marah. Huh."

"Laki aku ni tak reti nak balik rumah ke?!"

"Mummy tak sabar nak jumpa baby." - Pregnant mom

Ahhhh there's a lot more statuses that makes me cringe!

#iforgotwhatnumberitisnow

Its always been,

"I'm tired I need to sleep. Talk to you tomorrow."

"I had a bad day today, worst than yours."

Never been..

"Are you okay? What can I do to make you feel better?"

Never.
I'd do that to you, but you'd never do that to me. I am always the one who has to put my feelings aside. Always. That girl.

#17

I saw and I read.
Lies lying around everywhere. Tried to connect the dots. But somehow something's missing.

Honestly, the evidence was right in front of me.
Its up to me to believe it or not. After all, you can only believe what you wanna believe. And somehow I choose not to. I choose to let it slip away, I didn't even confronted you about it. I guess I'll never will..

I'm giving you a second chance.
Maybe you were trying to impress me.

--

Today marks the most depressing day of my life. I sat alone in class. Read my diary. Almost cried. What a year its been! Badluck all along. Since the beginning till now. Not that I'm not blessed, I mean.. Lets just be selfish for one moment and shine the spotlight on me please.

I don't really wanna talk about it but here it goes..

Being deferred was the most painful thing that's ever happened to me, yet. I do not wish to discuss about it in public. Nor would answer any question regarding my studies. I almost made it, almost. Almost made mama proud. Yep, almost. I guess making someone proud is not my thing? I hated the fact that my ex smirk while asking me hows school.. Ah my words are all jumbled. Excuse me, my brains are dysfunctional for now. Emotions running wild.

And reading my diary. I feel like I had it all before and lost it in a blink of an eye.

Sigh.

Well, nevertheless I'm trying to pull myself together everyday. Put a smile on my face so no one would ever know how I really feel. But today, I'm gonna let it all go... Because I can't bare it anymore.

#16

After walking more than 500 meters WITH heels, all I need was a thirst quencher. Spotted a cute little café by the roadside... Thought to myself, wow just nice a table left just for us to sit. Steps into the café, walks to the table which is placed right infront of the entrance. Suddenly I heard a voice..

"Excuse me... ____ Sorry."

Mind the missing words, because I can't seem to hear. So I answered..

"Table for 4 please."

To which I was kinda shock to hear her respond..

"Full! Full!!"

But still, because I was really fond of the café I pointed her empty table. She then said,

"Full!!!!"

While waving her hand as if she was shooing us. I was shocked. Beyond shock to be honest. I sense racism. These thing still exist in the year 2012.

Civilize country? Long long way to go!

Goodbye Amelie Café. You've just lost one potential customer. :)

x

#15 Au Revoir

I've waved goodbye to you, but you wouldn't let me go. You told me, you wanna patch things up again. You lead the way but somehow our feelings are not mutual. How I felt back then was different from what I feel right now..

The feeling is gone.
I no longer look forward.

So, I waved goodbye to you for the second time around.
And I hope this time, its the last time.

x

#14

Busy body everywhere. Just scattered everywhere. Asking you how you're doing, giving you silly advices, and then gone. No where to be seen or heard.

Question is.
Why do you have to pretend like you care when you don't even give a shit about it? Just my your own freaking little business. And I'll do the same.

Thanks.
x

#13 Comeback

I've been absent. I feel overly exposed. I feel naked at times. I have strangers coming up to me, act as if they know me. Truth is, they actually do. Based on my blog, tweets. And what I'm uncomfortable about is, I have no freaking idea who they are.

I wanna disappear.
From everything- social networks, phone, texts.

I wanna run away.
Far far away in a place where nobody knows me. Where I don't need to trust anyone.

And then I started to think..
I can never live without my loved ones.

x

#12 Differences

"I feel like having pasta.."

"Pergi lah dengan kawan you."

"Okay."

---

"I nak pepperoni pizza."

"I tak makan cheese."

"Semua pizza ada cheese!"

"Tapi I nak yang chicken.."

"Okay."

Hmmmm. 

#11

I have questions lingering on my mind..

We chatted on my birthday night, updated each other with recent stories about ourselves, exchange news. You asked for the latest picture of me, because apparently you said you haven't seen me for a while, to me it reads as you missed me, no?

This went on for about 2 days.
..and then you went missing in action.

Honestly, I'm confused.
Were you trying to make me happy because it was my birthday?
Or. Do you do this to every girls you know?
Or, a more logic answer besides these two please?

x
p.s: 11^th post, for things that happened on 11^th May.
p.p.s: 11 is my favorite number.

#10

Umm.
Deleted my last entry. Thought it sounded a little.. provocative? Sorry for any inconvenience it has caused. Maybe I shouldn't be writing...

x

#9 Conclude

So far 2012 has been nothing but a pain in the arse. Enough said.



x

#8 Deja Vu

They told me not to trust. They told me to have a little time for myself. But me? Being me, as always I go against what people tell me. And now, you may laugh at me. I feel like this is deja vu.

Thanks. For everything.

x

#7 Amor

Funny how you can fall in love unexpectedly.. This is for you, whoever you are. :)

x

#6 Porqué

Sometimes, I look back at old photo's and asked myself;

What went wrong?

With what, you ask? With everything. My life is basically all messed up right now. Trying to not make a big fuss about it, because there's nothing much that I can do. Redha je lah, bak kata Ray. I'm sure everything will be okay in the end. If its not okay, its not the end. *Trying to be positive*

Erm.

Turning 23 soon. 22 isn't kind enough to me from the beginning until the end. What have I achieve? Nothing, still nothing. Still the same old thing from the past 5 years. Been the same person, did the same thing, with the same people- said goodbye to some and welcome some new ones on board. Heheh.

I'm just trying not be depress, and find happiness in little things I can find to entertain myself.

x

#5 Béni

Mom just found out about it. She's not happy. In fact she cried- on behalf of me. Honestly, I didn't shed a single tear this time. Maybe it has come to the extend that I am numb about it. I'm trying to avoid having some alone time with her, I don't feel like discussing this matter with her. I'm not ready, I suppose. Well, how did she know you ask? Obviously from my big mouth brother!

Whatever it is,

I am in a better place right now. Happy with what I have, blessed with the ones who stayed with me for better or for worst. Alhamdulillah..

x

#4 Betrayed

I chocked a little when someone said this to me..

"I feel sorry for you, B. You always get lied and cheated on, yet you never learn your lesson. Instead you repeat your mistakes over and over again. Tell me how long do you want to live this way?"

Guess he's right. I always see the good things in people. No, scratch that. I'm just plain dumb, ignorant. Sobs. I'll never learn..

x

#3 Twitterverse

Oh no, my mind can only think up to 140 characters nowadays! Mr Mayer was absolutely right.

Help?

x

#2 Okeanos

I miss this.
I wanna swim with the fishes, walk by the beach listening to the sound of the ocean, or just sit by the beach and enjoy the scenery oh not forgetting people watching. Sigh. Soon baby, soon...

x

#1 Salutation

I'm back. I just feel like writing again.
Not sure how long this will last.. Long enough I hope.
140 characters aren't enough!

x