Finale

You know that feeling, when you wanted someone so badly. Not a certain someone, but just someone special who you could talk to about your day, tell him your worries, share whatever you have on your mind, and he'll be listening to you, smile and tell you everything's gonna be alright. And you on the other hand, believes him. Because.. Just because he has this glow on his eyes that makes you trust in him.

Uhuh.
Yeah jetlag is making me watch movies back to back every mornight as what H told me.

But ofcourse, we all want that. Or at least thats what I want. Not now though. Don't even think I'm ready to be in a relationshit. To be honest, I'm just traumatized by it. Heheh. Dramatic much?

.

On a lighter note, I finally have the courage to delete ALL of our photo's. (Read; 2,000 photos) Now all of the evidence is gone. Kapish! Well not all of 'em are photo's, some are just print screen from our skype session, videos he made for me for my birthday's or anniversary and shit. Yep, all gone. Truth is, I kept it for over a year now because... I felt that there's hope. Not that I look at it every now and then. Honestly, last time I looked at those photo's was when I was making him his goodbye video. Almost two years ago? You know, who knows... He might change to be a better person. The person I fell inlove with.

But..

During my recent visit to London, I met him. Fine, I am a person who can not keep her words.... He just came back from Barcelona, swing by to London the next day (did I mention he ponteng his class?). I on the other hand did not expect him to come at all!  Funny because we met at Oxford Circus Underground. So it was kinda like a surprise because we did not plan to meet there. There he stood, looking all awkward with his grey coat, brown leather sling bag, and jeans, he came by and said, Hi you.. and smiled. I was nervous, acted all cool tho. He asked me where I wanna go. Then, there we go wandering the streets on London, just the two of us. Went to Emirates Stadium, Abbey Road, lunch at Camden Town, and tea at Starbucks, Westfield. Yep, quite a number of places for someone to go considering we only had like 8 hours?

Sadly.

I realized. He's a different person. Totally different. We talked, updated each other about our lives, change views on things, but things are not the same anymore. Maybe I've changed too. I don't feel what I used to feel. He even told me he's seeing someone now, well I... I was a little jealous. But I don't feel sad, at all. So thats when I realize.. I don't love him anymore. I just want someone as a boyfriend figure. Maybe the only person I had in mind is him, since he gave me all that before. But I'm sure I can find another guy who can treat me better. :)

.

I told Mama the whole thing. Her jaw dropped. Boy, was she furious!

"Awat keluaq dengan orang yang panggil Kaklong macam-macam?"

Entah.

"Kalau Mama jadi awak lah, Mama tak pi dah."

Bukan plan pun, Ma. Dia dah datang.

"Biaq pi dia la!"

Thats when I realize, no matter what happens no one will ever love you more than your parents. Just cherish them when they're still alive. :')

.

Oh, remember G? I kinda.... Putus kawan with him. Sounds funny but I can not take his bullshit anymore. He lied to my face repeatedly. So I told him to stay away from my life. I am mean, liddat. I know.. He said I'm a cold hearted girl. I might be.

Oh well.

The world works in mysterious way ay?

Till then,
xxx B

Chapter 14/365

One question. Just one. One tiny question. 1 word, 3 letters...

WHY?

Chapter 1/365

Aha new beginning of a new chapter, 2013- 365 chaper, 24 pages per chapter. :)

I'm gonna blog everyday, to keep up what I do. NOT.
Happy new year. Happy. Happy. Happy? I hope!

x

#24

Oh my what a coincidence..
24th posts, on the 24th Dec. Which happens to be your birthday.

Happy birthday to you wherever you are. I might not have wished you personally but my thoughts are always with you.

:)

#22 My favourite number

In the car yesterday...

Mama: Awak dengan O dah tak ada apa apa ke?
Me: *awkward*
Mama: Awak dengan O dah putus ke?
Me: Ye.
Mama: *sad face* What happen? Dia ada perempuan lain ke kat sana?
Me: Tak lah.
Mama: Habis tu?
Me: Tah...
Mama: Dia minta putus ke?
Me: Mmmm.
Mama: Ha?
Me: Tak, kaklong yang minta.
Mama: Kenapa?
Me: Sebab dia nak study.
Mama: So dia la nak putus?
Me: Hmmm.
Mama: Selama ni masa ada kaklong macam la dia tak study.
Me: Hmmmm.
Mama: Habis mak dia tahu tak?
Me: Dia cakap tahu..
Mama: Kesian kaklong... *she looks like she's about to cry*
Me: Takpe..
Mama: Habis kaklong ada boyfriend ke sekarang?
Me: Takde..
Mama: Takpe, nanti ada la tu....

*awkward silence*

#21 Ticktock

A week has passed.
Twenty eight days to go.


x

#20 Summerlove

Summer..

You suddenly reached out for me. Made me head over heels with you all over again just when I thought I've forgotten about you. Texted me even though you were at work. Called me even though you're a million miles away. Stayed up all night just to watch me. Butterflies in my tummy everytime I get a text from you. My heart even skipped a beat when I heard your voice after 6 months. Oh the joy of being in love?

Just like the leaves in autumn color changed, you changed. You tried to make a distance. You said you weren't ready for a commitment, and you were trying to fix things up but you realize nothing can be fixed.

Its almost winter now. As things are getting a bit more chilly so are you. You said, you wanted me to stay away from your life. That you don't even love me anymore. Worst of all.. You called me a bitch. My mistake for pushing the provoking you. But..... Oh well.

Drove back home that night from the airport after the fight, somehow my GPS lead me the way to Mantin. The radio played your favorite song. It was raining, I could barely see the road.. How dramatic I thought to myself. But I'm glad I didn't even shed a tear. Not this time.

The reason why I'm writing all of this down, is to remind myself..
Never. Ever. Let anyone emotionally torture you.

The past is the past.
Don't ever repeat the same mistake. 

Yep, thats the story of my life.

x
ps: Your fav song.