#24

Oh my what a coincidence..
24th posts, on the 24th Dec. Which happens to be your birthday.

Happy birthday to you wherever you are. I might not have wished you personally but my thoughts are always with you.

:)

#22 My favourite number

In the car yesterday...

Mama: Awak dengan O dah tak ada apa apa ke?
Me: *awkward*
Mama: Awak dengan O dah putus ke?
Me: Ye.
Mama: *sad face* What happen? Dia ada perempuan lain ke kat sana?
Me: Tak lah.
Mama: Habis tu?
Me: Tah...
Mama: Dia minta putus ke?
Me: Mmmm.
Mama: Ha?
Me: Tak, kaklong yang minta.
Mama: Kenapa?
Me: Sebab dia nak study.
Mama: So dia la nak putus?
Me: Hmmm.
Mama: Selama ni masa ada kaklong macam la dia tak study.
Me: Hmmmm.
Mama: Habis mak dia tahu tak?
Me: Dia cakap tahu..
Mama: Kesian kaklong... *she looks like she's about to cry*
Me: Takpe..
Mama: Habis kaklong ada boyfriend ke sekarang?
Me: Takde..
Mama: Takpe, nanti ada la tu....

*awkward silence*

#21 Ticktock

A week has passed.
Twenty eight days to go.


x

#20 Summerlove

Summer..

You suddenly reached out for me. Made me head over heels with you all over again just when I thought I've forgotten about you. Texted me even though you were at work. Called me even though you're a million miles away. Stayed up all night just to watch me. Butterflies in my tummy everytime I get a text from you. My heart even skipped a beat when I heard your voice after 6 months. Oh the joy of being in love?

Just like the leaves in autumn color changed, you changed. You tried to make a distance. You said you weren't ready for a commitment, and you were trying to fix things up but you realize nothing can be fixed.

Its almost winter now. As things are getting a bit more chilly so are you. You said, you wanted me to stay away from your life. That you don't even love me anymore. Worst of all.. You called me a bitch. My mistake for pushing the provoking you. But..... Oh well.

Drove back home that night from the airport after the fight, somehow my GPS lead me the way to Mantin. The radio played your favorite song. It was raining, I could barely see the road.. How dramatic I thought to myself. But I'm glad I didn't even shed a tear. Not this time.

The reason why I'm writing all of this down, is to remind myself..
Never. Ever. Let anyone emotionally torture you.

The past is the past.
Don't ever repeat the same mistake. 

Yep, thats the story of my life.

x
ps: Your fav song.

#19 Stahp

Sometimes I wonder. Do people think before they post their Facebook status? What do they expect from posting it? Or do they re-read it? For example..

"Teringin nye makan Kenny Rogers!"

"Stress gile!"

"Mama masak sedap hari ni. Yums!"

"Ko buat boleh pulak! Time aku contact girl lain, ko tau lak marah. Huh."

"Laki aku ni tak reti nak balik rumah ke?!"

"Mummy tak sabar nak jumpa baby." - Pregnant mom

Ahhhh there's a lot more statuses that makes me cringe!

#iforgotwhatnumberitisnow

Its always been,

"I'm tired I need to sleep. Talk to you tomorrow."

"I had a bad day today, worst than yours."

Never been..

"Are you okay? What can I do to make you feel better?"

Never.
I'd do that to you, but you'd never do that to me. I am always the one who has to put my feelings aside. Always. That girl.

#17

I saw and I read.
Lies lying around everywhere. Tried to connect the dots. But somehow something's missing.

Honestly, the evidence was right in front of me.
Its up to me to believe it or not. After all, you can only believe what you wanna believe. And somehow I choose not to. I choose to let it slip away, I didn't even confronted you about it. I guess I'll never will..

I'm giving you a second chance.
Maybe you were trying to impress me.

--

Today marks the most depressing day of my life. I sat alone in class. Read my diary. Almost cried. What a year its been! Badluck all along. Since the beginning till now. Not that I'm not blessed, I mean.. Lets just be selfish for one moment and shine the spotlight on me please.

I don't really wanna talk about it but here it goes..

Being deferred was the most painful thing that's ever happened to me, yet. I do not wish to discuss about it in public. Nor would answer any question regarding my studies. I almost made it, almost. Almost made mama proud. Yep, almost. I guess making someone proud is not my thing? I hated the fact that my ex smirk while asking me hows school.. Ah my words are all jumbled. Excuse me, my brains are dysfunctional for now. Emotions running wild.

And reading my diary. I feel like I had it all before and lost it in a blink of an eye.

Sigh.

Well, nevertheless I'm trying to pull myself together everyday. Put a smile on my face so no one would ever know how I really feel. But today, I'm gonna let it all go... Because I can't bare it anymore.